What determines whether a life is a Success or Failure? It’s not what we do or accomplish that makes us successful or valuable. True success and value come for each of us as we faithfully live out who we were created to be. It’s not in the doing, but in the being.
I first read the following touching piece after Hudson was born. Then I read it again. And again. As the truth I already knew seeped from my head to my heart.
My Brother’s Successful and Valuable Life
by Cal Thomas, Tribune Media Services, 2012
“How does one measure whether a life was a success, or a failure?
Some would measure it by recognition, that is, how many knew the person’s name. For others, the measure of a successful life would be the amount of wealth accumulated, or possessions held. Still others would say a life was successful if the person made a major contribution to society – in medicine, sports, politics, or the arts.
By that standard my brother, Marshall Stephen Thomas, who died Jan. 5, was a failure. If, however, your standard for a successful life is how that life positively touched others, then my brother’s life was a resounding success.
Shortly after he was born in 1950, Marshall was diagnosed with Down syndrome. Some in the medical community referred to the intellectually disabled as “retarded” back then, long before the word became a common epithet. His doctors told our parents he would never amount to anything and advised them to place him in an institution. This was advice too often taken then by parents who were embarrassed about having a disabled child.
Our parents wanted none of that. In the 50’s, many institutions were snake pits where inhumanities were often tolerated and people were warehoused until they died, often in deplorable conditions. While they weren’t wealthy, my parents were committed to seeing that Marshall had the best possible care, no matter how long he lived. Because of their dedication, and thanks to the Kennedy family and their commitment to the rights, causes and issues related to the mentally and physically challenged, Marshall had a longer and better quality of life than might have been expected. He outlived his life expectancy by nearly 40 years. He lived his life dancing and singing and listening to the music he loved.
Yes, it cost our parents a lot of money to give him the care they believed he deserved. They might have taken more vacations, owned a fancier house and driven a luxurious car, but before we valued things more than people, they valued Marshall more than any tangible thing. And that care rubbed off on me and other family members.
The stereotype about people who call themselves conservatives is that we don’t care for the less fortunate. Even if that were true (which it isn’t), Marshall deepened my sensitivity and understanding for the mentally and physically challenged and for those who, like our parents, committed themselves to caring for others who were touched by a malady that could easily have been ours.
I was seven years old when Marshall was born. A year or two later when the diagnosis was made, I bought a popular book written by Dale Evans and gave it to our parents. It was called “Angel Unaware.” The title was taken from a verse in the New Testament which says, “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares” (Hebrews 13:2). Evans’ book was about the Down syndrome child she had with her husband, Roy Rogers.
Roy and Dale named their daughter Robin Elizabeth, and their commitment to her (she died at the age of 2) strong influenced our parents’ decision to take care of Marshall, rather than institutionalize him. While it was sometimes difficult for them and later after their death, for me, we never regretted that decision because of the joy Marshall brought to our lives.
At the end of the Christmas classic “It’s a Wonderful Life,” George Bailey reads an inscription in a book given to him by Clarence, his guardian angel: “Remember, no man is a failure who has friends.”
No life is a failure when it causes so many to care for others. At that my brother succeeded magnificently.”
So thank you Mr. Thomas, for helping pave the way so beautifully for my Hudson. And also to your sacrificial parents. And thank you Dale Evans and Roy Rogers for helping change society’s perception of people with Down syndrome at a critical time in history. And thank you Mom and Dad. Your loving sacrifices and courageous choices in our own family have helped create a kinder, gentler, more welcoming world for Hudson and other special needs children today. XO
Susan says
Beautifully said. You, too, live sacrificially and your loving decisions noticed by all who know you!
Laurie says
Another beautiful post, Allie! Thank you for sharing so much of your heart. <3
nancy mcmahan says
Beautiful read. Nice way to start my day.
Amy says
A beautiful way to start my day, Allie! Thank you. xoxo
Rosemary says
Thank you! Sharing your heart to understand God’s plan ,to love as God has loved us, reminds me that today is the Lord’s and I am able to love others as they are made in His image with an eternal purpose in the midst of their unique design!
aunt pinkie says
What a wonderful story -PTL for Dale Evans and Roy Rogers and your
moving parents! Thanks for sharing!
Nancy Hammettj says
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. You’ll are precious loving family . I would to give that precious little Hudson a big hug. You have sweet loving boys.
Nancy Wildes says
Hudson and many others that are raised with love are so blessed. Your family is an inspiration to many. I have seen first hand a special needs girl transformed by love and acceptance and transformed from a frightened and abused four year old to a lovely young lady.
Allie Taylor says
You are quite an inspiration yourself, Nancy. Claudia is a delightful, lovely young lady, a blessing to SO MANY. Love seeing the joy she brings and the wonderful activities she participates in. Loved her latest pottery on the wheel. XOXO
Linda Jenkins says
I can’t begin to tell you the many ways you soften and mend my heart. You are such a strong, giving, kind, sincere, and courageous woman. Your strength is mirrored in every single thing you do and say. And every bit of it makes a difference. I am so blessed that you are a part of my life. Thanks for all the valuable life lessons you provide. Please give your sweet little boy a hug and a kiss for me. I pray every day that God will lead me to the things He has blessed. He has led me to you and your family. I am blessed, indeed.
Allie Taylor says
So thankful we don’t walk this road alone, but in community. I’m not all those things you said Linda, but I aspire to be. Love you and your family dearly.
jen says
YES! XOXO
Susie says
Absolutely beautiful…
Maggie says
Allie,
You are so brave to share this part of your life with the world. We certainly live in a fallen world where Down Syndrome exists. But, I think God has given us a special gift if we are privileged to know someone with Down’s. They have such a unique view of this world. They help us slow down, marvel at the little things, and remind us of what truly matters in life. God bless Hudson and all of you Taylors, etc. who care for and protect him. May your strength equal your days (Deuteronomy 33:25). XOXO
Ginger Worrell says
Beautifully said. Reading through what Cal Thomas said, I couldn’t help but think of dear, sweet Matt, Nellie & Don’s son who also had Down Syndrome. He was so loving, kind and gentle and always had a smile and a hug for us in church. He was Covenant’s unofficial greeter because his infectious smile that made everyone feel welcome, no matter who they were or how long they had been coming to Covenant. I’m sure that Hudson will be like Matt in so many ways. He has already shown love and affection towards strangers and has the wonderful ability to make people smile and feel good. Yes, Hudson will have a good life, but even better, he’ll make our lives far better for those of us who have the pleasure of knowing and loving the little guy. Love you Allie, Jon and all the boys, but especially little Hudson.
Barbara Child says
Such a beautiful reminder of what is really important in life. I well remember Dale Evans and Roy Rogers’ experience with their Downs daughter, and her riveting book, “Angel Unaware”. At that time special needs children were rare and as Cal Thomas said, often put into institutions and never heard of in the community. I read her book as a teenager and both cried and marveled at their loving acceptance of Robin. I do the same now with families I know dealing with their own special needs children. You are a living example of God’s love shining through heartache and struggles. xoxo
Barbara B. says
What touching and heartfelt stories of Roy and Dale’s child, Robin, but never heard of Cal Thomas’s little brother. It was so touching to see how both families embraced these children and how the children enriched their respective lives beyond their wildest dreams! Not only their own lives but also many people with whom they related to in family, friends, acquaintances along their lives paths. We never know what God puts in our pathways, but He alone plans our steps and lights our way, if we allow Him to, He guides us always in His Wisdom, never leaving us alone, for surely we would perish on our own, knowing we are dust and so fallible. He gently guides us gently along our way. Hudson is a bright light and shining star sent from above, he will touch many along his journey in life because of the love he received in the great gift of a devoted family who learned the value and treasure they possessed.