“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion it has taken place.” Tell me friends: do you not love this quote? Oh my. You better believe my kids know it by heart. Ha.
Happy weekend to everyone today! Hope you have some relaxation and down time figured into your weekend plans. We were originally slated (by forecasters, that is) for a Nor’easter today and then it fizzled here in NH. So the shovelers are all doing the happy dance. And others like me, who clutch to every remote excuse for hibernation, feel cheated. So there you have it.
Especially hope you’ll hang with me to the end today: I’ve got a question for you.
So back to communication. The ability to communicate is actually quite a gift. Easily taken for granted, especially if you can’t remember a time when you couldn’t communicate.
Most of you know about my little Hudson. (He’s five, has Down syndrome.) So when Hudson’s hungry, he goes over to my stash of cutting boards, gets one. Next he heads to the pantry, snags the peanut butter jar. Puts it on the cutting board. Then moves on to the fridge for the grape jelly hunt. So even though there aren’t so many words, there’s lots of communication taking place. I get the message loud and clear he’s hungry when he collects all the PB & J supplies. Communication is quite a gift, and I’m grateful Hudson has his own way of telling me he’s hungry.
I was contemplating communication last week, chatted with a few friends about it. When I was little, maybe four or five, I remember my mother taking me along to a nursing home to visit a friend of hers who was in a coma. Unresponsive. We’ll call her Cindy. I don’t remember all the details that put Cindy in that state, but she was a relatively young woman in her twenties who had a stroke. Cindy had blank, unseeing eyes, and was covered with tubes and wires. No one seemed to know if she could hear and understand, and the doctors and nurses treated her as if she couldn’t. I remember my mother being convinced we just couldn’t know whether Cindy could hear or understand. So on our visits, we gave her the benefit of the doubt, acted as if she could see, hear and understand everything we said. We’d talk about the weather, her family, what was going on in our family. Chat about whatever we could think of that might interest her, including reading verses and singing hymns. It’s not as easy as you might think having a completely one way conversation for an hour at a time.
And I can only imagine it would be quite a horrible imprisonment to be trapped in an unresponsive body if your mind is fully present and engaged. To be unable to communicate in any way. A travesty and perhaps one of the worst hells on earth.
But I’m hearing more and more stories of people who were once in a coma or an unresponsive state that miraculously come back around. What a story they have to tell on the other side. One such fascinating and poignant story is about a twelve year old South African boy named Martin.
“In January of 1988, Martin Pistorius came home from school complaining of a sore throat. He never went back. Within a year, Martin had degenerated into a mute and quadriplegic. By his fourteenth birthday he was a hollow shell, unseeing and unknowing; he spent his days at a care center, sitting blankly in front of the television while his family waited for him to die.
And then his mind came up for air.
For an unimaginable ten years, Martin would be completely conscious while trapped inside his unresponsive body, secretly aware of everything happening around him and utterly powerless to communicate it.
Ghost Boy is Martin’s story, as written – shockingly and triumphantly – by Martin himself. With unflinching candor, Martin describes the chilling details of his life as a Secretly Lucid Vegetable – from the perversion of some who believed him to be brain dead, to the grace of those who sought recognition in his eyes.
For an age when prolonged illness and misdiagnoses are too common, Ghost Boy is the hopeful story of a discarded life awakening from passivity to action, despair to hope, captivity to freedom.” (from the back cover of Ghost Boy)
Martin’s is a shocking and amazing story, nothing short of a miracle. And here’s my question for you. I’ve not yet read the book Ghost Boy. But I’m about to start. And I wonder if you might like to read it too. And then in a few months we could come back and talk about it here. An on-line virtual book discussion of sorts. (Not live.) So let’s pick a Saturday in March. Does the 19th work? That gives you a week or so to get the book at the library and hopefully enough time to read.
Here’s an Amazon link with more info. on the book. And then I’ll post about Ghost Boy on Saturday, March 19th and you can share your thoughts and impressions too. (If you want.) Just think about it.
So let me finish telling you about Cindy now. Despite the medical staff’s opinion, my mom was convinced Cindy was lucid. One day she brings in a white board and marker, places the marker in Cindy’s clenched fingers. Cindy’s fingers clutch the pen, and laboriously and painstakingly she draws letters onto the white board. A word forms. A word and some numbers. A scripture reference. You can imagine the shock of the medical staff. But I don’t think it surprised my mother.
Eventually, over months, Cindy comes out of her unresponsive state. Her life as a Secretly Lucid Vegetable. Tells us how much she enjoyed our visits. That she remembers our conversations, each detail. Also the verses and singing.
And that’s one of the reasons I believe in miracles. That and the first glimpse of each of my newborns’ precious faces. Miracles. To me, miracles are just divine glimpses. Glimpses reminding me to look Up.
(If you’re new here, I post recipes during the week and muse on the weekends. Thank you for visiting today.)
If you’re a book worm like me, here’s a list (and short reviews) of other books I love that you might like too: Reading List 2015
Christy Stansbury says
I just reserved a copy at my local library. 🙂
Allie says
Awesome! I’m up to Chapter 11, the chapters are very short. Already had the kleenex box out once, but have smiled more so far.
Christy Stansbury says
Finished in less than 24 hours. Yes, my kids had cereal for dinner and I fell asleep with the book around midnight. Amazing story. Glad I have some time to process before we “discuss.”
Allie says
Wow, you are ahead of me Christy. I stopped at chapter 11 a few days ago and I’m dying to finish it. I’m headed south for the weekend tomorrow and taking this book along for the plane trip.
Aunt Pinkie says
Absolutely amazing musings today, Allie -will have to get Ghost Boy! While you got no storm, am trying to figure out how to get Miss Dolly outside to do her business. Cannot get out the back and am hoping the little place I have shoveled in the front will suffice! Church has also been cancelled for tomorrow!
Allie says
Oh I hope you got dug out enough for little Miss Dolly. I ‘m sure this snow has really thrown her off. Bet your snow is so pretty. I’m up to Chapter 11 so far in Ghost boy, the chapters are really short. Wow. What a story. xo
Amie says
I read that book last fall….wow…what an incredible story! (Get your tissues ready.)
FYI….I also feel cheated….I went out yesterday and got a new book, some Starbucks,, and dark chocolate…,and still plan on staying in and reading most of the day today! ?
Allie says
Thanks so much for the heads up Amie. I already needed those tissues for the prologue and I was prepared, thanks to you. Hope you had a delicious reading day in, even though we didn’t get the snow. Wa wa waaaa! (I absolutely love dark chocolate.)
Tina Sneed says
I’m in! However, I will have just returned from taking 30 of my closest teenaged friends {students} on a three-day tour of our nation’s capital. My lucidity may be questionable!
Allie says
Oh wow — you may be in a different mental state on the 19th, Tina. Yes, your lucidity may be in doubt! I am on Chapter 11 now, the chapters are short. Pretty amazing so far.
Nancy mcmahan says
I will have to read both books. Thanks for recommendations. I think we all need to look up more and see what is right in front of us…I know one can miss so much. If it keeps snowing here I will get my shovel out and do the happy dance. Have a good weekend, Allie
Allie says
Thanks Nan, how much snow did you get? That’s pretty exciting! I’m on Chapter 11 of the book right now, the chapters are really quick. Very poignant read. Hope all is well!
Karen @ On the Banks of Salt Creek says
What a great mom you have. I think medical professionals respond a little differently to comatose people now a days.
Michael’s 16 year old cousin (probably 10 years ago) was in a near fatal accident and in a coma for over three months. She came out of it, not exactly the same, thanks in part to the wonderful medical staff and a mother that wouldn’t leave her side.
I just started a book. I have very little time to read ( big disappointment) . I don’t know that I’ll make the March date but I will put it on my list at the library.
Again, what a great mom. I believe in intentional parenting. She gave you a great practical application of a great way to treat people.
Love all your posts but especially the weekend ones.
Hugs,
Karen
Allie says
I couldn’t agree more Karen, very, very thankful for my mom. So glad to hear the positive outcome for Michael’s cousin. That must have been quite difficult on all the family. Three months of your child being in a coma must feel like an eternity. My Jacob had emergency brain surgery when he was in kindergarten. Amazing how quickly the surgery happened and how quickly he was back home. I think it was a total of less than a week. It felt so long though, and I look back and realize it was the blink of an eye. Thanks so much for dropping by, have a great week friend!
monica lajoie says
I cant wait to read those books! Thank you to you & your mom for bringing the Scriptures to bear on these amazinhg stories. I’ll always remember when my mom was in a coma & I held her hand & told her things. Then she squeezed my hand!
Allie says
How wonderful you were able to be there with your mom, Monica. And what a beautiful memory you have of her squeezing your hand as you told her things. I know it must’ve been a very sweet time, but so hard to see your mom like that. I’m so glad you dropped by today, thank you friend.
Susie Mandel says
Count me in! Ghost Boy is in my queue to be picked up at my local library branch. I can’t wait to read it! I loved all the quotes you posted as well. Your story about Cindy is A.MAZ.ING. Looking forward to our “discussions.” THLG Book Club, here we come! 😉
Allie says
So Susie, I am at Chapter 11 right now. Have needed tissues a couple times. What an amazing story this is. Next time you hear me complain, remind me to shut it. What this man went through is incredible. He’s funny too. The last paragraph on page 44 made me laugh out loud today. A paragraph about his observances of women through the years. SO TRUE!
Susie Mandel says
Can’t wait! I pick up my copy tomorrow morning. 🙂
Aunt Margie says
Stunning truths, thoughts and observations. Yes, your mom is amazing and unusual, spending time with her little girl that marked her forever, all the while honoring and humanizing Cindy when nobody else thought she was worthwhile. Wonderful lesson today. And I’m not surprised the source was my sister! Look forward to books!
Allie says
Many thanks Auntie M – grateful for my mom too. XO
Carina says
Amazing story. It gave me goose bumps. What a great idea about the book conversation! I can’t promise, but I am definitely hoping to join in on the 19. Thanks for creating this interesting experience for us, Allie. Xoxo
Allie says
Hey thanks Carina, how are you doing up there? Did you get snow last weekend? We missed out on the white stuff around here. Hope you can read the book, but I know you are super super busy right now. I am in Chapter 11 and have already laughed and cried. The chapters are super short. What a story though. XOXO
Carina says
Hi Allie, the weather has been unseasonably warm for the most part, with a moderate amount of snow. We are supposed to get some rather blizzardy weather tomorrow, but we’ll see… I think these milder temps are spoiling me! I have ordered the book from the library, so it should be here soon and I can start on it. 🙂
Cheyanne @ No Spoon Necessary says
Your musings always make me smile and ponder meaningful things in life… you are my much needed break from busy nonsense that seems to take over our lives. I adore you for many reasons, Allie, and these musings you share is one of them. 🙂 I will totally have to put up that book, but I’m not sure I will read it before the March date… so don’t share any spoilers!! <3 I, too, believe in miracles, my dear and that story of Cindy is absolutely touching. I love that your mother refused to believe Cindy wasn't mentally responsive. Great, uplifting story. Thanks for sharing, my sweets! Cheers! xoxo
Allie says
Friend, I so look forward to hearing from you on my weekend posts. I will try to be very careful not to mention spoilers on the 19th. I’ve been marking interesting passages as I go with little stick it notes. Thanks for the love, love you back girl. I’m glad you got snow at your house and wish I was in that snow globe too. Enjoy! XOXO
Mandi Korn says
I would love to read this book and talk with you and others about it, however I have been on a path for awhile to not bring any outside sadness into my life, so reading this will probably put me on a emotional roller coaster, that I may not want to be on. I used to love this kind of story telling, I was an avid book reader and documentary watcher and the more honest and tragic, the better for me, then I had my daughter and everything changed. I no longer watch any tv (well no cable tv, we have Netflix), read books, other than educational ones, I do not read or watch the news, and even though I am on Facebook, I actually avoid most of it at all costs. However, you can change my mind, if you think that it would change my life, because I know sometimes peoples stories are groundbreaking and give you a gift of knowledge you may have not before, if that is the case, then I will read the book and talk to you on the 19th.
Allie says
Dear Mandi, I so hear you. I don’t watch the news anymore. Just can’t take it. I scan the highlights on the internet so my head’s not completely in the sand. (Or snowbank around here. Ha.) Anyway, I do think this will be an emotional book, FYI. I’ve read through Chapter 11 so far. I’ve laughed and also cried. But it may not be the right time for you to read it, and only you would know. Speaking of, right after Hudson was born, the book Unbroken came out. I have STILL not read it.. I did see the movie. But anyway, I knew I was not in a frame of mind where I could read about the torture in the Japanese prison camps, etc. Someday I’ll read it. So no pressure, and you can come back and read people’s comments on the 19th and maybe get a better idea if you ever want to read it. I think Martin’s journey is excruciating, but his eventual triumph is over the top incredible. Hope you and Boo are enjoying the snow! Drink lots of hot chocolate and snuggle often. (and take some pics.!) xo
Shashi at RunninSrilankan says
Allie, you mom is a gem for not giving up on Cindy – and wow – what a miracle for her to reawaken! I know first hand how hard it is to have a seemingly one way conversation – my dad was very ill and often could not communicate what he needed to before he moved from here on to his forever home.
I so love that you shared the Ghost Boy – I opened the link in a new tab and I hope to get it – what a beautiful story of God’s ability to surprise us -eh? Love it – Im gonna try and make your deadline but no promises. BTW – Allie thank you for sharing this
Barbara Child says
Looking forward to reading the book and discussing it with you and others! Thanks for finding this!